One Year of Fatherhood

 

While in my twenties and even in my early marriage days, I was not prepared for a parenthood and neither was my wife. We wanted to travel places, party hard and have a good time before we get stuck with the monotonous routine. I kept on pushing it ahead and it is not like I hate kids. In fact, I love and adore them, but I just did not feel I was ready to handle it myself. So, when I and my wife decided to have a baby, I was excited for the next chapter of our life. Just like many expecting parents, our talks and thoughts were all focused on the baby and its health. The good music to soothe him/her down, to have good food, to be happy and experience this beautiful phase of life. All the excitement running through our veins with the sonography tests and staying unknown to the gender of the baby made it even more exciting. I always liked it that way. A surprise is always fun so why reveal the gender until the D-day arrives. Talking to the baby and feeling it roll inside the womb was an amazing experience especially with the non-stop kicking and rolling at times. I recollect how one of my cousins was expecting and in the later months, I could literally feel the head of baby on her bump. By early 40^th week, we were on a weekly check-up and doc was affirmative of no signs for water break. The baby took the challenge upon itself and gave us a lo behold moment after a day. So, there we were in the hospital during early twilight hour and after twelve hours of labor pain, it was a BOY!!

Holding my baby boy for the first time was a surreal experience. Such a sweet little being in my hands and all I felt was calmness and love with tears of joy in my eyes. While most of the mom’s expect a woman by their bed side, I did not want to be away from my baby for anything else in this world. So, there I was cleaning poop and swaddling him at 1 am in the morning feeling scared not to hurt him. Occasionally checking up on him whether he is asleep and not lying awake in the cradle and many such thoughts just rushed through my brains. Whether the temperature of the room was not too high or low, whether wifey is resting good or not. Thousands of questions kept me alert all night. Waking up to the tiniest sound was so unlike me but that was a father inside me that took birth a couple hours ago. I still remember when the doc got the baby after the first inspection, he was crying all the way up until the room. His tiny little eyes closed yet searching for something. And as soon as the doc put him next to his mother, he went calm and slept peacefully. I was awestruck at how they sense their mother. They very well know their touch, smell, and voice. After all they have spent a couple months inside the womb. How lucky a woman is to experience such amazing things? I knew it right then; they will not give you a hard time if you do not give them. Ahead lies several sleepless nights and without family, it is difficult to get past the initial ones. In our case, I would not have made this far considering how naughty our boy is. Talking about family’s help, it is their experience raising a couple ones that I look upon for guidance. It makes me feel so content with how the family traditions and guidance are passed on from one generation to another.

As days passed by, we tend to understand each other better. However, today’s generation the so-called millennial babies are so quick to adapt, that my month-old son used to tease his grand pa and they were astonished how he remembers stuff after only few days into this world. At barely two months old, he already had his favorite music and wants to sleep to it in the middle of night, Wow!! A few weeks later, he had his favorite game and boy, he loves his schedule. I had read it somewhere that babies love schedule but when you get to experience one, it’s amazing how their body clock works. As an adult that was my second learning after being a father. Our entire schedule now revolved around his body clock. At times, even five of us needed an extra hand and the silence in the room when he slept felt either relaxing or an awkward alertness constantly keeping us on toes. The key here is to listen (not hear) and learn, watch and learn. Understanding babies’ different voices and how they move is important. They are tiny little being but how they explain in their cute and amazing ways will surprise you for sure. During the last trimester, I got to know about Baby Language known as Dunstan Baby Language and that surely put us in a better position. We did not have the exact experience, but it helped, and the initial nights surely felt like a Morse code decoder. Getting past the first six months is not easy. It all depends whether a baby is active or passive. Having patience is the key. Hitting the panic mode button is big NO. Expecting your baby to grow up suddenly will not really help. Cursing him/her won’t help at all. It is sad when you find a parent shouting at an infant just because they do not have patience to deal with them. They cannot process the fact that the kid cannot express himself right now like an adult, but they constantly observe and learn. Every morning, I wake up with the quote I learned in my early age ‘As you sow, so shall you reap!’. Behaving rude with the baby is so not acceptable. Babies are persistent and we need to be too but in a gentle way. Instilling them with self-respect and good morals is important. This only happens when we behave in a similar way.

If the language barrier and patience were not enough, try dealing with the logistics. That is a different department altogether. Calculating the number of diapers needed or mastering the swaddling techniques is a different ball game. The litmus test happens when one travels with a baby. Traveling in early months is barely a few blocks away from home. But even that requires proper planning. Did we get everything that baby needs? An extra set of diapers, clothes, swaddles, napkins, wet wipes and what not. That being said, little beings need little things. Watching them over, bathing them, playing with them, and cleaning their extracts on time is a reward in itself. A father’s reward other than doing duties on time is far more comforting when one gets to know how this whole baby thing works. You will not be intimidated by someone watching you swaddle or changing diapers. It is just a matter of willingness and practice. Investing more time than money is of utmost importance. Sing and dance with them, tell them stories and that is how bond is created. It is harder for a father to make bond with babies than a mother. They are blessed with natural bonding.

With all this time investing process, do not forget about the mother. She is recovering from a massive body change not just physically but emotionally too. Mothers spent a lot of sleepless nights feeding the baby but make sure to share the burden. Since we men cannot feed a baby, putting the baby to sleep, or singing them lullabies in the middle of night is something a father can unburden a mother with. Showering her with love takes the pain away. Though the mom and new born require utmost attention and their needs are paramount right now, there are limits to how much you should be disregarded. But not to the point where you nullify all the respect and relevance. The portrayal of a father in our society is so stereotypical, do not let anyone take you for granted.

All this said, I am grateful to have this little one during this turbulent year. The lockdown would not have been the same without him. While many struggled with this year passing by, we were blessed to play and dance with him. I felt lucky to watch him grow in front of me for the entire year. He really taught us to be more patient and gentler. And most importantly to take a pause and embrace the little being he is between the work life chaos.